In a recent coaching encounter, my client expressed her intense disappointment at having lost a valued and respected mentor. I could hear the sadness in her voice as she spoke about the mentor’s passion for her work. As a nursing supervisor, the mentor exhibited compassion for patients and inspired the nurses who reported to her. She was there one day, and gone the next. My client spoke of this mentor in the past tense, leading me to think that death had come suddenly. Sudden, yes. Death, no. The beloved mentor had been a casualty of corporate change.
I am familiar with the voice of the griever. In my years as a chaplain, I learned that there are two paths to death–gentle deaths and violent, traumatic deaths. Family members grieving for people who die gently (think “hospice”, “old age”) seem to move through the grieving process a bit more systematically and smoothly. The death makes sense. Family members grieving for people who die suddenly (think “car crash” “heart attack”) take longer to go through the grieving process and sometimes become self-destructive to escape the pain. There are so many things left unsaid; so many “if only. . .” thoughts.
My client spoke with the voice of a griever. I sensed the sadness . . . and a hint of resentment. In fact, since her mentor’s sudden exit, she is now seeking other employment. “I’m not alone,” she said, emphatically. “Freeing up one’s future” is inevitable in business. “Deaths” of the corporate structure affect staff members in the same way death affects individuals. Remember the last time a beloved team member resigned or retired? There might have been a party, reception, or a roast. The loss was certainly felt among fellow team members, but the opportunity to say “good bye” eased the difficult change in the corporate structure. Have you experienced a former teammate’s termination? Did you watch the person as they were escorted out of the building? Suddenly, everything associated with the person is Unmentionable. The person’s name become Unspoken.
Corporate grief, whether gentle or sudden, deserves to be acknowledged–it’s happening, whether it’s acknowledged or not. I say let’s continue the traditions of saying “good bye” to the gentle exits. In addition, I strongly recommend personal conversations when the strategic choice is made for more difficult exits–terminations, layoffs, downsizing. When ignored, the staff feels as though they are caught in a giant game of “Whack-a-mole”, wondering if they’re next to get whacked if they raise their head a little above the radar. When staff are left without answers, the conversations begin, allowing team members an opportunity to fill in the blanks on their own. Corporate obituaries are written by the staff, whether welcomed or not. The only choice corporate leaders have in terms of corporate grief is whether to facilitate it or not.
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